As much as I loved my last pregnancy and the first year of my second child’s babyhood, my husband and I are fine with just having two kids. That was what we planned from the beginning. After my first child, we contemplated just having the one kid, but we knew in the back of our minds that we wanted two kids. There are many reasons why we just wanted two. I’m in my late 30s. I miscarried before my second child was conceived. Having more than two kids can get expensive.
Many out there would say that this shouldn’t be a reason to stop having kids and it doesn’t have to be expensive. Maclean’s magazine had two articles written contrary to each other (Million Dollar Babies, September 30, 2013 issue versus You Can Raise a Child on $3000 a year, August 22, 2013 issue). But we don’t qualify for daycare subsidies nor do we have readily available child care. Also, adding another child would require a larger car and a larger home to accommodate 3 kids.
But expenses aside, we are satisfied with 2 kids. My beef is with people constantly asking, “When’s the next kid? Why don’t you have another kid? Don’t you want to have a girl?” It’s like they are not satisfied with what you have. And it didn’t just start at asking about a third kid. These are the same people that asked at the beginning, “Do you have a boyfriend? When will you get engaged? When will you get married? When will you have your first kid? When will you have your second kid?” I feel bad for other couples who decide to not have kids and get asked, “Why don’t you want kids? Why do you want to be selfish like that?” I admit that I have asked questions like, “Do you plan on having kids?” to break the ice during small talk. But to scold someone for being selfish because they decide to not have kids? I think that is just rude and uncalled for, and quite frankly, none of their business.
I was asked the question if we planned on having a second kid, and it was during the time when we were debating if one child was enough. The person had the gall to call me selfish because having just one kid is not right. At first I was peeved and irritated, but I just brushed it off because I didn’t want to bother getting into an argument about it. I’m not confrontational. My husband has accused me of being passive aggressive, which may explain my confrontational attitude in a blog instead of in her face. However, after trying for the second child, we faced some difficulty trying to conceive. It dawned on me that if she had called me that while I was having difficulty trying to get pregnant but wanted to keep it private, then it would have been very insensitive. Also, the constant barrage of questions from annoying people about having a child in general would be very insensitive to those with fertility issues who want to keep things private. Why do people focus on the next thing in one’s timeline?
People don’t realize how invasive and in turn, insensitive, their questions can be. We need to think first about what we are about to say and examine what kind of question it is. Families don’t necessarily need to be the picture book mom, dad, son, daughter, and pet. Sometimes it can just be husband and wife, or partner and partner, or mom, dad, and daughter. We shouldn’t judge. It’s none of our business.
MommyLoquy 